I'm happy that I've told everyone that I used to get beaten up by my boyfriend, that has been a huge relief for me to say it outloud and for people to think that I am an OK person despite of this because that was never my fault.
I am happy because I'm not ill anymore I don't know how many of you know this well you do know if you're reading this blog I couldn't walk about a year ago my legs swelled with water, I had labyrnthitis and this is a big one here I had a bit of anxiety well a lot actually - but hey it happens to a lot of people and as you can see I am a WHOLE lot better. Health is so important & you don't quite realise how important it is until you've lost it so that make me happy I have now regained my health.
I am happy because I have managed to go down from a Size 30 to a Size 16 or 14 in UK terms that has changed my life immensely because although I'm no sylph like girl I'm me and that's all I can ever be just me and I love being me now I used to get people shouting stuff at the street at me when I was bigger now its weird people compliment me I still can't get used to that. Its silly things like people in a shop i.e. men and women saying that I look nice I don't really know how to react - silly huh for a woman of 37 but because I've never really experienced it I am trying very hard to know how to react. I now smile and say thank you because I think they mean it - it is very nice hearing that and I'm not putting this up for more people to say it, its just an "odd state of affairs" for me to have people complimenting me.
I am happy because I have regained a whole new interest in music .... something maybe in the pipeline there but lets leave that for another time its opened up a whole new world to me.
I'm happy since my nan died and this is getting personal here its like I have become a whole new brighter Julie maybe she's looking over my shoulder who knows? Its like I've found Julie again I lost her for a long time I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I lost who I was through some stupid fella beating me up now I've regained me.
Do you know what I don't care what people think of me that makes me so happy I always used to put a bag in front of me, always wear a coat people that didn't have weight issues may not understand that but it was sort of hiding behind things because I didn't feel worthy enough now I don't and that makes me so happy - today I went out without a coat on - not a big deal huh yeah it was for me!!!!!
Being very open and honest here a big thing that has made me very happy is that I have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome that was partly why I was bigger before it means that you produce too many eggs that can't be fertilised, Posh Spice has it lots of people have it I am one of them, nah don't want to be Posh Spice thank you very much, but 20% of women have it so if you have it speak up its nothing to be ashamed of and really too much information here but if you want to know why I'm happy about 5 years ago my periods came back they went for 10 years gosh I am revealing a lot about myself but that has made me so happy because yes that means that when I decide to hopefully it won't be as hard as I thought it was to have kids and that virtually has me crying here because that is a big important part of my life that I want to succeed in.
I'm happy because I unburdened myself of all my silly little things, my silly little I can't do this I can't do that I CAN DO ANYTHING BECAUSE THIS IS A WHOLE NEW BRIGHT SPARKLY JULIE THAT WILL TRY HER UTMOST TO ACHIEVE EVERYTHING SHE HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO ACHIEVE.
That's why I am so happy all the time and no I'm still not going to put up a piccie of me when I was bigger I'm happy now I obviously will be happier if I lose more weight but Marilyn Monroe was a Size 16 so who am I to argue with that.
See you do know Jewels now don't you I am an open book maybe too much of an open book at times but that's me now and that makes me happy, see if I have touched one person saying I have the condition I mentioned above I'll be happy, if I touch one person because I said I was beaten up I'll be happy.
Being happy comes naturally to me now it didn't before I sort of hid behind a lot of things - now I am JULIE and who thought it would happen before the big 40 I certainly didn't - thank you illness for bringing out the true Julie you really don't know how grateful I am that I have gone through certain things because it means now I can get on with life and think yep thats me and do you know what I LOVE BEING ME!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSK9kkM7GL4
That's how I feel now listen!!!!!!!!!
Jewels xxxxx
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