So, after my last blog on music I thought to myself well to know the real Julie you need to know a little of her past.
This has taken me a lot of courage to do this and I don't want any well done's or anything like that for doing this, I'm doing this because I don't want anyone else to go through what I did, so you're thinking quizzically what did she go through, what's so different from me, well maybe nothing if you read on.
Can you remember what you did on your 22nd birthday, I can, it was the first time I got hit by a man, yes you read that right and this isn't some man hating blog AT ALL I think men are fabulous (like totally they are they are great, they are funny, they are sexy, they are brilliant, now I do I really do and that's no word of a lie) but this is a tiny bit of my story and it works both ways, women hit men as well and it happens in same sex relationships as well.
So, it's come as a slight shock to most people on here, a few people knew not many but if I can help one man or woman though telling my story then me sharing this has been worth it.
I probably haven't suffered half the amount of abuse that a lot of you women and men on here have but again this is my story, so here's how it goes. I went out with a man for ten years, throughout most of that ten years he hit me, nowhere that people could see, my family never knew (they do now don't worry and I have totally laid this to rest with help - if you're going through the same thing I advise you to do the same thing).
He hit me on my 22nd birthday because I couldn't park properly in a space that's how stupid and ignorant people are that physically and emotionally control you, there's no rhyme nor reason to why they do it - its just a control thing, they feel like own something i.e. you and can treat that person how they want to, the abuse didn't end until I was 31, he used to hit me on the back of the head, legs, back, tell me how fat I was, yeah I was a lot bigger but this again was all about control.
People and I am saying people here not men because I fully realise it works both ways carry out this type of behaviour because there is something lacking in their life, IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT - IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS IF YOU TAKE ONE THING FROM THIS - REMEMBER THAT SENTENCE.
They whittle away little by little your self confidence - why did you think I found it hard to accept compliments about the way I looked? It was because of this simple as that, once someone continually puts in your head that you aren't worthy, that you don't look in any way normal you start to believe it and I know you're thinking now why Julie, why did you let it go on, I once I told my family and a few people realised why, because he had whittled away every bit of self confidence I had.
People that knew me at school knew me as a happy-go-lucky gal and that's what I am now and that is why I am so happy - I've released myself from those constraints of that person, I realise I am worthy, I realise I look as good as the next person, I realise that what that person did was completely wrong and will never ever let anyone treat me like that again - EVER!
If you are going through something similar I want you to know you are not alone, it doesn't just happen to you, it's not anything you are doing the person that is doing it to you is AT FAULT, NOT YOU, please tell a friend, a family member, if you're a member of an organisation tell someone, that's how you start to get through this. I wasn't married to this man nor had children with him so I fully realise it's a lot harder when you do have those ties. There are organisations out there that can help you, please get in touch with them, tell a doctor, tell anyone you trust, just tell someone because the feeling you experience once you know you aren't alone and aren't all these things that that person has told you you are is IMMENSE.
I am beyond happy now, I wanted to share my story not for any poor Julie comments, I feel sorry for the person that did that to me, what made the person do it? I'll never properly know but you know what now I don't care, why waste one more minute of my energy which is completely POSITIVE on a person that wasn't.
I can't change my past in relation to this but you know what I think it's made me a stronger person I can now tell genuine people and all of my friends on facebook are genuine that's why you're my friends.
Am I guarded now? No! That's what I want to get across I want you to feel those butterfly wings fluttering like me if you're going through what I went through, I want you to soar, I want you to feel good about yourself, so if someone is treating you in the same way I was treated or worse please take a minute whilst reading this and think you know what if I tell someone I trust maybe I just might be as happy and content as Julie is now.
It's taken an awful lot of deep breaths and thinking about it all to put this out so publically but I have nothing to feel ashamed of I now realise that, I want you to feel the same.
A bit of a long post but I think something so important needed to be, I hope I haven't shocked you, made you upset because I am absolutely fine beyond belief now why do you think I do silly videos, show my face, say what I want because now Julie has emerged and wants to grab on to every bit of life that she can.
You can do the same, it just takes that first conversation with someone you trust - I know one out of every four women in their lives has some form of emotional/physical abuse in their life that means 200 of you out there may experience this if I can stop one just one person having to go through what I went through I'm happy I posted this. I'm happy I posted it anyway, look at me, I AM WORTHY, I AM AS GOOD AS THE NEXT PERSON, I NEVER DESERVED TO GET HIT - NEITHER DO YOU. Am I fine as I am? Of course I am!!!
Please read this if you're a man/woman/parent anyone if you can help anyone by passing this on please do.
Take care and lets make the next post a bit lighter but it needed to be said I needed to help if I could.
Please take a listen to this song you beautiful flowers and I mean that to both men and women, just change the wording around if you are a man going though this, it says it in one song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Zbn7Khv8zM
Jewels xxx
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